Seriously. The Driver has family four hours away. And have we already covered the irony of the fact that The Driver doesn't so much enjoy "The Driving"?
Unfortunately, due to a significant lack of campaign funding — and not to mention the fact that the entirety of The Driver's research and development in the area of teleportation consists of The Driver declaring, "I need, like, teleportation" — his pursuit of his goals has failed to gain traction.
But that's another story.
Today, The Driver is embracing another imminent technological breakthrough. The Driver is ready for his microchip.
The Driver arrived at this conclusion when he recently had to travel to a neighboring country. Since The Driver does not have a work visa that would allow him to conduct business in said country, let's just assume that he traveled for "pleasure" — and that sitting in a two-hour meeting in a government office building could, under some circumstances, be described as "a pleasure."
The Driver's flight was scheduled to depart at about 1:30PM CDT (Central Driver Time). The Driver arrived at the airport at about 12:15, and proceeded to the ticket counter. He requested information on upgrading to something other than a middle seat next to the toilet. The agent suggested that The Driver try the self-check-in kiosk for upgrade options.
And so, The Driver walked over to the monitor to begin the check-in process.
And that's when The Driver realized that he was without his passport.
The Driver now knows that he can make the trip from the airport to The Condo in about 20 minutes. This information is filed under "Good to Know, but Moot," Because The Driver can't make it back to the airport with his passport in time for the cutoff / boarding.
Long story short, The Driver was able to travel standby later that day. So now, having a few hours of unanticipated free time — and not to mention being slightly traumatized by the experience of showing up at the airport for an international flight sans passport — The Driver decided he needed comfort food for lunch. And so, after stopping at The Condo to drop off his briefcase, he drove to his favorite cheeseburger drive-through.
Upon pulling up to the menu board / two-way communication device, The Driver realized he was without his debit card.
Left it in the briefcase. At The Condo.
And that's when The Driver decided he was ready for his microchip.
Things to put on the microchip:
1. Passport Information.
2. Debit Card Feature: Allows user / host to pay for cheeseburgers simply by pointing at the photo on the menu board. (May require monosyllabic grunt for confirmation / voice ID validation).
The Driver currently has no plans to run for elected office on a "A Car in Every Driveway and a Microchip in Every Cerebellum" platform. Once again, he cites a complete and total lack of funding.
* x = [ (election year) + 7 ]. The Driver knows that successful candidates set milestones that can only be reached after more than one term in office. See: JFK's promise to put a man on the moon within "the decade," or every mayor's vision of "a century where our children's children's children might be able to drive without hitting potholes."
2 comments:
Sounds like a rough day!
Where do I sign up?
Post a Comment