Corporate America Gives Up, Goes With Helvetica

In a move that could signal the end of Graphic Design as we know it, Corporate America recently announced that it has given up and gone with Helvetica.

Suburbia-based Frito-Lay Company was chosen as the beta site for Corporate America's new "anti-design" campaign — the goal of which appears to be the standardization of product packaging. And by "product packaging," Corporate America emphasized, "All product packaging. On Planet Earth. And resistance is futile."

In a very, very carefully prepared statement — confusingly set in Arial — Corporate America outlined its plan to eliminate "style" from the American visual language.

"We feel that Helvetica brings forward a best-in-class solution for the packaging needs of Frito-Lay. Scaleable and future-proof, the font uniquely positions Frito-Lay to deliver best practices and thought leadership going forward. This is a win-win for stakeholders and consumers, enabling world-class, mission-critical synergies."

The announcement by Corporate America and Frito-Lay makes a powerful statement about the healthy state of Design by Committee. The popular phenomenon, which has spawned such marketing axioms as, "Make the Hieroglyph Bigger!" and, "My mistress doth detest orange," has successfully used fear of the unknown, extreme fear of criticism and lowest-common-denominator thinking to right the sinking ships formerly known as Originality, Creativity, Graphic Design and Branding.

Working with their agency-of-the-moment, DezEYEn Group, Frito-Lay reviewed hundreds of iterations, finally selecting Helvetica for its detached, informative quality.

"We completely immersed ourselves in the creative process on this one," said DezEYEn's Client Satisfaction Officer. "Frito-Lay was obsessed with getting it just right. At one point, we printed out the words, 'Sour Cream and Onion' using every font on our computers. They weren't settling for a recommendation based on shelf appeal or product differentiation. So we tested and re-tested in focus groups until we found the one typeface that not only captures the product's core business strategy and metrics, but also the one font that everyone we asked could consistently agree upon. By creating synergies with actual consumers in a highly controlled and artificial environment, we were able to manage risk and bring the best solution forward. That's when we knew we had found it — when everyone was comfortable. It's a real coup for DezEYEn's Client Satisfaction Team."

DezEYEn Group's Creative Director also saw the project as a watershed moment.

"I'm going to kill myself," he said.

The 43-year-old Creative Director oversaw the entire packaging initiative, which involved reading the Creative Brief to his design team — then spending the remaining sixteen weeks managing complaints, insubordination and several threats by junior designers to resign. Among the most challenging moments in the project came when he relayed the order from Frito-Lay to "Go ahead and bump it up to 56 points [from 55]."

"That's when I knew I would not live to see forty-four. Or even the end of the week," he recalled.

"The irony is, I started to set my suicide note in Helvetica. Now I can't even look at it. Those bastards even took Helvetica away from me. I have nothing left."

"I've wasted my life," he sobbed.

Others in the Graphic Design community mirror the CD's sentiments. Indeed, the apparent decision by Corporate America to eschew traditional typography has had its share of detractors — perhaps foremost among them being Typography itself.

"I don't know what these people want any more," remarked Typography from its home in 15th Century Europe. "You do the display fonts. You try custom lettering. We gave them Mistral, for Pete's sake. Then they pull this crap. Helvetica? To sell potato chips? I give up."

Typography stressed that there is nothing empirically wrong with Helvetica, and that it is, in fact, one of the most finely crafted typefaces ever created. The centuries-old art and science simply questioned Helvetica's appropriateness in this particular context. Typography also noted Corporate America's indelicate handling of the classic typeface, saying, "It's pretty hard to screw up Helvetica. And yet, they found a way."

When reached for comment, Helvetica was predictably humble.

"I was surprised to be chosen," the font admitted. "At the same time, consumers today are overwhelmed with choices. They can no longer take the time to decipher complex letter forms. They cannot even trust illustrations. When they want to purchase potato chips that taste like cheddar cheese and sour cream, they need to be able to clearly distinguish the words, 'Cheddar' and 'Sour Cream.' They also need to see a photograph — not only of the potato chips, but also of a potato much like the one used to make the chips. Further, the consumer needs to see a wedge of cheddar cheese, and a small bowl containing what one can safely assume to be sour cream."

"We must efficiently convey the information from the eye to the brain in as little time — and with as little distraction — as possible. This is what good information design dictates. Clarity. Logic. And, when the situation calls for it, a picture of a potato."

Designed in 1957 by Max Miedinger with Eduard Hoffman for the Haas Type Foundry, Helvetica became the poster child for simplicity in design. During the 1970s, the Swiss-born font enjoyed enormous popularity among Corporate Americans — representing such familiar brands as American Airlines, Exxon and that dry cleaner next to the locksmith. It achieved total saturation and ubiquity shortly thereafter, and was eventually relegated to punch line status. In recent years, however, the font has been part of a resurgence among design hipsters. In 2007, Helvetica was even the subject of the documentary "Helvetica."

"Helvetica has been a true partner in this process," said Corporate America. "The typeface was a bit reluctant at first. But when we explained how much money we spent on feasibility studies, the font understood that our decision must have been right. And we couldn't agree more. There is no better way to measure success than paying someone to tell you that you've succeeded. By farming out a paradigm-shifting branding initiative to the lowest bidder, exacting our will upon them, and then deferring in the end to the most inoffensive solution, we're satisfied that Frito-Lay's packaging — and our investment — are completely fail-safe."

Riding a wave of self-satisfaction following the Frito-Lay surrender, Corporate America announced its plans to dumb down "as many iconic brands as possible."

When asked what the future holds for Graphic Design, Typography could only speculate. "It's anybody's guess," said the craft. "As for me, I'll probably just go back to doing gig posters. Until somebody casts Remedy in hot metal type, I'm pretty safe doing letterpress work. I'm really into the whole retro thing anyway. As for corporate jobs, I'm over 'em."

Graphic Design could not be reached for comment.