Speaking of Old Shows...

The Driver found this link today:

betamaxmas.com

Looks like a great waste of a few good hours. Maybe tonight after the Passenger goes to sleep.

Second. Worst. Post. Ever.

A few more sitcoms / TV shows from The Driver's youth:

The Jeffersons

Alice

WKRP in Cincinnati

Laverne & Shirley

Hee-Haw

Extremely Forced Reference

Thanks to Mrs. Driver for pointing out this very out-of-context... er... pop culture (maybe?) reference.

It's a long way to go for a very Driver-friendly, yet otherwise trite payoff.

Click here and read the first paragraph.

Worst. Post. Ever.

The Ticket -- The Driver's sports talk radio station of choice -- did a segment this morning about sitcoms.

The Driver started thinking about all of the sitcoms he watched as a child.

Here, then, is a list of those sitcoms. In no particular order, because assigning some kind of order to a list of sitcoms might add interest to this post.

M*A*S*H*

Welcome Back, Kotter

The Beverly Hillbillies

Gilligan's Island

Happy Days

Gomer Pyle

Three's Company

Diff'rent Strokes

The Bob Newhart Show

The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Rhoda

All in the Family

Sanford & Son

That's all The Driver can recall. Plus, the Bobble-Head is fussing.

Happy Birthday, Rob Halford

Above : Judas Priest poster, ca. 1981. You know, before Rob Halford (center, in Village People attire) was gay. Also shown : guitar heroes K. K. Downing (blonde hair, black leather) and Glenn Tipton (brown hair, red leather). From The Driver's private collection.

Turning 57 today : Robert John Arthur ("Rob") Halford, legendary frontman (insert joke here) of Judas Priest.

And what better way to celebrate in a purely coincidental fashion than to witness the "Metal Gods" live in concert on Friday, August 22?

The Driver -- accompanied by Mrs. Driver, another married couple (read: a fellow man-child and his equally resigned wife) and our pal "Joseph" (name slightly altered) -- paid good money to watch Mr. Halford amble about the stage and sing to the floor. But hey, let's see you try to stand up straight (insert joke here) and belt out "Eat Me Alive" (insert joke here) while wearing 50 pounds of leather -- including a full-length duster and biker boots. And let's not discount the massive goatee that seemed to be pulling his face closer to the ground with each note of every song.

Photo : Rob Halford ca. 2005. Friends of The Driver will appreciate the uncanny resemblance to The Driver's friend, Jeff. Everyone except Jeff himself, that is.

It takes a lot of energy to put on a show like Judas Priest. Many of today's bands rely on fancy lighting, distracting video screens and other technology to make up for a low-fi stage presence. Not these guys. Instead, "The Priest" employ old-school theatrical set design (plus the aforementioned costumes) -- and they complete the presentation with some good old-fashioned amplification. In other words, the guitars are metaphorically turned up to 11 -- at which point the symbolic knob is metaphorically ripped off.

Then there's the patented (or should be) choreography -- which features guitarists K. K. Downing and Glenn Tipton (sometimes joined by Halford for maximum effect) rocking out in a rhythmic sort of up-and-down or side-to-side motion, axes swinging to and fro with the beat in a powerful tribute to their ground-breaking dual guitar approach. Why does your favorite band have two guitar players? Ask Judas Priest. Better yet, ask the guitarists in your favorite band. Odds are they'll tell you about the times when they would put "Unleashed in the East" on the turntable, plug in the headphones, turn up the volume and play the entire album on tennis racquets -- one guy taking K. K.'s solos, and the other playing Glenn's parts.

Or maybe that was just The Driver and his buddy, Brian.

Today's Judas Priest concert still delivers 80 - 90% of its former metal punch. Rob Halford's geriatric lumbering is more about his need to focus in order to deliver his famous ear-splitting high notes. He still can, and does. So he's got that going for him.

The set list hasn't changed much on their last three tours. And yes, The Driver knows this from personal experience. The 38-year-old band does a good job of playing what the fans want to hear. Only about a third of the show's 19 songs, for example, were recorded more recently than 1985. And they continue to surprise by dusting off at least one great oldie per tour. In 2006, it was "Beyond the Realms of Death." This time around, it was "Dissident Aggressor" -- a tune more recently immortalized by Slayer.

Noticeably absent from the show were all but one of the tracks from the new double-length concept album "Nostradamus." The Driver was not upset by this. He purchased "Nostradamus" in preparation for the concert. Let's just say it's no "Hell Bent for Leather," if you catch The Driver's drift.

And chances are, you don't.

But The Driver thinks you owe it to yourself to check out Judas Priest's "Unleashed in the East," "Hell Bent for Leather" or "British Steel" records. He also dares you to resist the urge to air guitar.

For more on the "Masters of Metal" show, Judas Priest, or Rob Halford's big gay facial hair, please enjoy the following links :

Rob Halford pre-concert interview

Concert review

Rob Halford on Wikipedia

Driver Lessons : The Cover Band Years

ABOVE : Vertical Hold (and The Driver) rock your neighbors' living room at some kid's birthday party, ca. 1985. Left to Right : Clark Hamlet, The Driver, Brian Faro, some kid. Not pictured : Bobby Ziegler.

The year: 1985. The band: Vertical Hold. The music: See below.

Bonus points for anyone under the age of 35 who can explain the origin of the name.

 Don't Change

INXS

White Wedding

Rebel Yell

Dancing with Myself

Billy Idol

Walking on a Thin Line

Huey Lewis and the News

Runaway

Bon Jovi

Don't You (Forget About Me)

Simple Minds

Save a Prayer

Planet Earth

Duran Duran

What I Like About You

Talking in Your Sleep

The Romantics

She, Sheila

What's He Got

The Producers

Modern Day Delilah

Van Stephenson

New Girl Now

Honeymoon Suite

Major Tom

Peter Schilling

Magic

Drive

Just What I Needed

You Might Think

The Cars

New Year's Day

U2

Turning Japanese

The Vapors

Run to You

Bryan Adams

Jenny (867-5309)

Tommy Tutone

Vertical Hold are:

Brian Faro: Bass

The Driver: Guitar, Vocals

Clark Hamlet: Keyboards, Backing Vocals

Bobby Ziegler: Drums, Vocals

Um...

Pop (Culture) Quiz :

Which of the following is worse :

1. Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer has a sex tape. 

2. The Driver clicked to watch it.

3. TMZ.com ran a commercial before the clip.

4. The commercial was for Hershey's chocolate bars.

5. It featured country music singer Brad Paisley.

CUE MUSIC : Brad Paisley guitar riffs

CLOSE-UP on a platter of Hershey's chocolate bars, marshmallows and graham crackers (the basic ingredients of s'mores).

SLOW PAN and ZOOM OUT as a frolicking twenty-something carries the platter to a waiting group of peers. They are gathered on a beach. It appears to be about 5:00PM. A country band (led by Brad Paisley) is playing for the impromptu beach party, mingling among the frolicking twenty-somethings. There are no amplifiers, instrument cables or sources of electricity to be found. Still, the band jams to its down-home brand of electrified country music as if it were fully "plugged in."

QUICK CUTS of frolicking twenty-somethings enjoying s'mores while dancing and listening to country music. Just a typical beach hoe-down with some raw s'mores in broad daylight.

MORE QUICK CUTS of frolicking, designed to prevent the viewer from noticing that there is no campfire on which to cook s'mores.

ANNOUNCER VO : [ Paraphrased ] Nothing tastes better on the beach at 5:00PM than uncooked s'mores -- especially when they're made with Hershey's chocolate! And especially when Brad Paisley or some guys with instruments are there! 

FOOD SHOT shows frolicking twenty-something pressing two graham crackers together, attempting to force a cold marshmallow and a hunk of Hershey's chocolate into something resembling a "s'more."

ANNOUNCER VO : [ Paraphrased ] And now, you can go to Brad Paisley's web site and read all about Hershey's chocolate. Don't ask questions! Just go there now! Eat country music! Listen to s'mores! Amen.

FADE TO BLACK

The commercial was so surreal that it actually worked. The Driver Googled "Hershey" + "Brad Paisley," and found that Brad Paisley's current tour is being sponsored by Hershey's chocolates. It all made perfect sense.

Unfortunately, The Driver was not able to find a link to the most bizarre commercial ever to run before a Verne Troyer sex tape. He even went back and played the clip again (just to see if he could get a link to the commercial, of course).

This time, the Verne Troyer sex tape was brought to you by Friskies cat food.

The Driver did not stick around to watch the clip again.